please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's always time for handjobs
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
