You're completely useless in the revolution.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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