Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
