i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
