He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
