me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
