is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
