He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
