I hate all girls vehemently.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
