This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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