Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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