Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
