I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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