i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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