i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
