How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
