I got chris browned last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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