My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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