New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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