Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize