so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
