And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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