walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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