Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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