and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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