he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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