I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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