I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
