Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
