I wanna bring you to show and tell
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
