i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cut my penus on the lid.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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