Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
