I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
