im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
