We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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