Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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