yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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