i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.