I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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