Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.