Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.