Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

(253): View more from Washington

Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

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(541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp

Replies (21) Good night (1256) Bad night (687)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.

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(402): South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch. http://tfl.nu/xhps

Replies (27) Good night (2715) Bad night (579)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.

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(312): I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room. http://tfl.nu/qbvq

Replies (45) Good night (1526) Bad night (4132)
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(718): View more from New York

Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

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(718): Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG! http://tfl.nu/4lok

Replies (63) Good night (7759) Bad night (1303)
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(513): View more from Ohio

just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already

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(513): just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already http://tfl.nu/ip8k

Replies (31) Good night (6934) Bad night (901)
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(440): View more from Ohio

We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.

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(440): We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate. http://tfl.nu/v1r2

Replies (9) Good night (1757) Bad night (4445)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.

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(662): After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do. http://tfl.nu/mztj

Replies (9) Good night (3439) Bad night (1071)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.

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(708): I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored. http://tfl.nu/z508

Replies (5) Good night (2986) Bad night (1511)
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(563): View more from Iowa

Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.

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(563): Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me. http://tfl.nu/48rp

Replies (11) Good night (3443) Bad night (940)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Use "feeling words"

(1-317): View more from Indiana

Yay

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(317): Use "feeling words" (1-317): Yay http://tfl.nu/y3ss

Replies (3) Good night (759) Bad night (423)
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(214): View more from Texas

They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that

(972): View more from Texas

How awkward

(214): View more from Texas

Yeah it's pretty fucked up

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(214): They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that (972): How awkward (214): Yeah it's pretty fucked up http://tfl.nu/97bk

Replies (6) Good night (694) Bad night (471)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him

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(270): He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him http://tfl.nu/fwi5

Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (374)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?

(870): View more from Arkansas

I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living

(318): View more from Louisiana

It's like we're not even friends

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(318): How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2? (870): I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living (318): It's like we're not even friends http://tfl.nu/vpni

Replies (5) Good night (1329) Bad night (407)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.

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(703): Today is an "outside sex" kind of day. http://tfl.nu/srl3

Replies (3) Good night (937) Bad night (345)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home

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(480): I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home http://tfl.nu/7pj7

Replies (1) Good night (359) Bad night (163)

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