I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us