why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
