do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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