I'm drive I can fine osifer
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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