I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
