You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
third nipple confirmed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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