Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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