I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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