How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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