By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
