just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
where are my eyebrows?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
