once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
