i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo