I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life