I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
