You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
