Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
even my farts smell like vagina
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
