tell your sister to shave her snatch
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
two words...techno handjob
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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