His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
