Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
