guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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