guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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