I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
