I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
