respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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