Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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