just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
