Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
