I puked a lego.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
