my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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