Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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